The Twin Fantasies

I used to scroll endlessly through “gym motivation” pictures on Pinterest and Instagram. I’d fantasize about how desirable and happy I’d be as soon as I got ripped abs. Never mind that I’ve never had ripped abs, carry a little extra weight around my middle, and am not genetically predisposed to low body fat around my core. Nevertheless, I persisted in this fantasy, well into my 50-pound weight gain and beyond. I’d fantasize, and then overeat. Both were escapes. Neither worked.

I thought fantasizing was motivating, but in reality it was an escape hatch from the equal but opposite nightmare I felt about living life in a body that my “ism” brain - fault-finding, paranoid, discontented - had deemed entirely unacceptable. If I let go of the fantasizing, what I found was a nightmare that if I didn’t change I would drown in a sea of loathing. I had to escape this nightmare. And escaping from uncomfortable feelings looks like overeating.

The fantasy is false. And the nightmare is false. Both take us out of the present. And the present is where all our power is to create what we want.

When you find yourself daydreaming about how much better life would be with a thinner/younger/curvier/whatever-er body, ask yourself “what comes up if I release this fantasy?” You might find fear - fear of resting in the present with uncomfortable feelings about your body.

This fear is asking for attention. It’s showing you what needs healing.

When healing happens - that’s when you can sit comfortable in the present with what is in your body, physically and emotionally. From there, you can make any decisions you’d like about how to care for your body, and know those decisions are coming from an authentic, grounded, connected place. Those are the decisions that stick.