Overeating Recovery Part 1

A cruel and criticizing voice drove my drinking and using. It was set to the “self-destruct” filter. It’s goal was to destroy me, but it would settle for my misery. This was the voice of my addiction.

When I got sober, I felt tremendous relief from this voice. A new voice emerged - the voice of self-realization. This was the opposite of destructive. It was nurturing, it was parental, it wanted me to realize my potential, to evolve and to grow as a functional, productive human being. I consider this to be the voice of Spirit, Higher Power, God, Universe, Loving Parent - whatever you wish to call it - but it created beautiful things for me, and for the people that I wanted to serve.

I didn’t see the voice of addiction return. I didn’t notice it in my shopping, eating, social media, and relationships. All I noticed was that I was hungry all the time, and gaining weight. All I noticed was that I was still really uncomfortable around people. All I noticed was that it was really hard for me to be alone at night. So I ate, depended on people while simultaneously trying to avoid them, and stayed glued to Instagram.

Recovery, in full, started when I recognized the addiction voice had returned in sneakier, subtler, but no less destructive ways. I felt it as shame, overwhelm, fear, and self-loathing. Hating my body and yet hurting it with overeating. Convincing myself that I was weak for not being able to control and enjoy my food. Starting the new diet every Monday and going berserk with food by Wednesday

So the first part in the journey is to recognize the tape that is playing. It’s the addiction tape.

Part 2 is interrupting the tape. Stay tuned!